Who are you friendly to?

I had a friend from America who planned to visit India for work purposes. It was her first time to India, so as expected, she read up extensively before visiting the country. She read about the temples, the beaches and the culture (well, based on whatever she could find on the internet) and then felt brave enough to travel. Since she was travelling to an unknown country for 3 months and didn't speak the language, her anxiety seemed justified. But when she did land here, she was completely taken by surprise. While there were many reasons for her surprise, one of her most interesting questions was: "How are people so friendly around her?"

"What? People in India are friendly? Really?", I asked her. She thought a while and said, "well, they are friendly to me!". When I probed her a little more, she said "you know, come to think of it, I notice that they are really friendly to me. However, when I see them speaking with each other, friendliness isn't noticeable in their body language". She couldn't confidently put a finger on this observation since she didn't understand their language, but she noticed it multiple times to come up with a theory.

I should add a quick disclaimer here that when we had this discussion, it was towards the fag end of her 3 month visit and we also debated about how she defined 'friendliness' to exclude the possibility of it being a euphemism for 'kiss ass'. So time taken to collect enough sample data, check. Friendly = Friendly, check.

Who are we most friendly towards?

1. Someone who has the potential to be important to us, i.e., someone whom we can benefit from monetarily, influentially, etc.
2. Someone who has the potential to benefit from us, i.e. someone we can inspire, teach, pay off to fuel our hero complex.
3. Someone whom we connect to on intellectual levels. This category however requires a conversation before the friendliness is displayed.

This theory does not apply to life partners or childhood friends since we mutually agreed that the area was inexplicably grey and we only had three hours to finish dinner before the hotel manager kicked us out. If you are still interested, I attempted to write about it last year ("Friends")

Type 1 is most often noticed and most of us wouldn't even argue about its existence because it is so common. Type 2 is also just as common, however most of us will not confess to it because, well, its not 'heroic' if you call yourself a 'hero'. Type 3 is a very interesting one - not a lot of people have the luxury to have connected with many (due to opportunities from their work lifestyle, home lifestyle, how itchy their travel bug is, etc.). Type 3 is not very rare, but it isn't very commonly noticed either. The reason being, you will discover your feelings of friendliness only after the interaction has taken place and this would make you seek their company again so that your brain gets some more exercise.

My friend is American-Asian and she clearly stood out in a room full of chocolate. On multiple occasions, I've noticed how my indian friends went out of their way to make her feel comfortable for reasons of the Types 1 and 2 category. Once she went back home to America, I realised many of those who exhibited Types 1 or 2 retracted their friendliness because they didn't think it was worth it after long conversations with her.

This made me later think if Type 1 and 2 are entry barriers into Friendship, but Type 3 is what is required for Sustenance.

If this theory makes no sense to you, all I want to say is that: We had Thai food. Clearly, our mind could have been playing games with us!

Well, here's a funny story...

Will Rogers once said that, "Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else". How true, right?

So there was once this rabbit going about its rabbit-y things. This rabbit was considered a good rabbit by its pack - she earned her carrots, she lived a respectable life, all others rabbits liked having her around. Our little rabbit was a little bit of a superstar. Let's call her Rina.

One day Rina, our rabbit, was on her way to earn her carrots. It was yet another normal day for Rina. She had to do some hard work and earn some carrots - as simple as that. While she worked hard, she noticed that another rabbit wasn't able to earn her carrots the way Rina did. This new rabbit was upsetting a few people around and wasn't quite self-aware of her actions. As all stories go, we now have a problem. New Rabbit is a villain. Rina is our hero. And I've promised you a story. You are already predicting how this goes, aren't you?

So Rina approaches this new rabbit and tells her what she is doing wrong. New Rabbit is completely appalled since she has not heard such words from anyone else. New Rabbit is confident that her way of work will earn her carrots too. "Sure, but how many?" Rina asks. Rina goes on to share how she earns her carrots and how it works so well for her in the pack. New Rabbit should learn something from her, Rina suggests.

Picture Courtesy: Google Plus

Rina goes on to talk about why others are getting upset by the New Rabbit but after a long chat, the New Rabbit gets upset. She doesn't want to be a part of the pack. Neither does she want any more carrots. She just wants to go home. New Rabbits gathers a handful of her friends and shares her experiences. Handful of friends support the New Rabbit; now why wouldn't they? Who likes to see a young rabbit cry?

Handful of friends are now torn between Rina and New Rabbit. Was Rina right to intervene when the New Rabbit was upsetting people. Did New Rabbit deserve a dose of harsh truth from Rina when she may not have been ready? Who was right? Who was wrong?

Let's look at this from one perspective alone. Rina's.

Why did Rina have to go and talk to the New Rabbit? Rina was earning her carrots by working hard. New Rabbit was finding its feet in the pack and earning carrots too. New Rabbit's work will not earn Rina any carrots. So why did Rina want to try and change the New Rabbit?

Why did Rina want the New Rabbit to be more like Rina? Why can't the New Rabbit just be herself? Was Rina worried about the upset people? Even so, how did she assume that the New Rabbit would behave different by her intervention?

There are a lot of questions in this story, but very few answers. Well actually that is not true. The answer lies in a few paragraphs above this - "...This new rabbit was upsetting a few people around and wasn't quite self-aware of her actions...". Rina did notice that people in her pack were getting upset. However, Rina did not notice that the New Rabbit was self-unaware of her actions. And that has made all the difference.

New Rabbit wasn't a bad rabbit. She isn't the villain in our story. Does that make Rina our villain? Wasn't she our superstar?

If only Rina had been actively present in the moment to absorb all information, she could have made the world of a difference. By merely presenting to the New Rabbit the perceptions that the New Rabbit was unaware of, there might have been noticeable changes. People would have been less upset. Rina goes back to saving the day. People of the pack are happy, New Rabbit is happy, Rina is happy and the sun sets gloriously in the background to some soothing music.

But wait, we don't have that happy ending in our story, do we? What do we have? Two funny rabbits who are more interested in changing each other rather than earning carrots. Well, controversies make for interesting stories, as well!

Cheers :-)

Who are you?

You may choose to describe yourself with adjectives or analogies. Are you sure you have described yourself right? Sometimes we may feel a sense of hesitation about our choice of words or blame our inability to articulate... but is that who we are? Is that who we were? Is that who we want to be?

Who you are, can only be aptly answered if you understand that the person 'you' is a function of time. Who you are today - was not who you were yesterday - will not be who you are tomorrow. There are traits of your pasts that you still possess, some you have let go off and some you have acquired recently. And this is an ongoing cycle for every human being. If we are able to understand the fact that who you are today may or may not be who you are tomorrow, half the journey is covered.

What you believe in today, you may not believe in tomorrow. The great Bertrand Russell once said:

Picture Courtesy: pinterest.com

Its quite astonishing what that many of us may be willing to agree with the above statement, but very few of us have the courage to exhibit this behaviour. Admitting that you are wrong seems like a brave task and we aspire for bravery, however nobody teaches you how to be brave. You have to crawl and fall and learn. 

Some minds tuned to one-way thinking may also call Russell a fraud, since 'he is not owning up to his actions in the future; he is not trust-worthy'. But if we look closely, all he has said is that as per a present day (today), I may have a certain belief. Will I die for it? No, why should I? I might realise that I am wrong tomorrow. Just because we voice out our beliefs today to the world, we feel a sense of hesitation to change our stance on this belief tomorrow. Consistency is perceived as a good thing in the society, and being inconsistent with something so intrinsic as your beliefs may shake the overall perception of who you are.

Does that really matter? Don't we all change over a period of time? Why are we so worried about how inconsistent our behaviour will be in the future? Or rather, how this inconsistency will be perceived.

If you want to stay-put, maintain status quo, by all means continue to do what you are doing and enjoy who you are. If you want to be somewhere else, and expect the environment around you to magically revolve, you may just end up complaining about where you are, and where you will never be. "Seat warming" may very well end up as the biggest strength on your resume.

Finding Mr. Right

Picture Courtesy: pinterest.com

How many times have you felt all alone? How many times have you thought that finding the right companion is the only way you would feel better about yourself? How many times have you actually sought out to find your Mr. Right?

Most of us love this phase of life. You are on your feet, on the chase of Finding Mr. Right. And if you find him, you feel complete. You have now fulfilled your purpose in life.

Let's assume you have found him. Day by day, you learn more and more about Mr. Right. How he walks, what he likes to eat, which movies he prefers to watch, etc. But on days when the sun isn't shining so bright, Mr. Right could also start feeling like Mr. Wrong. He never listens, he is in his own world, he is not the person he used to be... Maybe he wasn't Mr. Right to begin with!

Hold up! What just happened here? How did things take such a sharp turn in just 4 lines?

Every time we chase for something, it seems to lose value after we acquire it. Unfortunate as it may be, this seems to apply to people too. What made you think the same person transformed into someone else, after you found him? In most scenarios, he was and has always been Mr. Normal to begin with.

Ask yourself this question, who is a "Mr. Right"? Is he right for you or for everybody? Is he a certain stereotype that you have in mind? Is he even real? If you go on the lookout for Mr. Right, doesn't that mean you already have some preset qualities you are looking for? Are you going to force-fit that into the next man who comes your way? Or do you plan to wait for eternity until such an ideal man appears in front of you?

And when the said ideal man did appear in your life, how long did it take for him to transform into Mr. Wrong?

Why can't we just make things simpler: Mr. and Mrs. Normal lived happily ever after!

How Hero and Dilwale won my heart !

Hello! If Facebook brought you here, you can ignore the below italics:

It has been brought to my attention that in 2015, I have liked two movies that I would never have watched even! One is Hero and another is Dilwale. And to be honest, I agree. But when I thought about it, I realised that they both share one common formula. Here's what it is ...

Formula = One Hit Song + One Likeable Couple

Hero [2015] marked the entry of two young fresh faces into Bollywood: Sooraj Pancholi and Athiya Shetty. It was so refreshing to see some nice new faces on the big screen. But I don't think I would've loved them as much if not for Armaan Malik's hit number "Main Hoon Hero Tera" (which was so commonly liked, that they decided to repeat it multiple times in the movie! Salman Khan liked it so much, he decided to sing it himself). And here, I will not take away credit from these youngsters either. It was their first film, and they have done a pretty decent job of not making a fool out of themselves. Perhaps they were terrified of their actor-turned-producer Salman Khan. They look good, the music in the background is good, some locations were breath-taking and overall this film was enjoyable.

Hero [2015]

Dilwale [2015] was the joke of the century. People were waiting with bated breath to somehow beg, borrow or steal first weekend tickets to this film. The production house did some excellent pre-release marketing and social media coverage. Everybody wanted to watch this movie! And as high as their rise was, the movie went through a sharp fall the first weekend. The producers made their money and all that, but the fans were disappointed that there wasn't any story. The problem here was that Shah Rukh and Kajol were put as faces of the movie (and we have known them for the romantic DDLJ that they gave us). This was a problem because people assumed that Rohit Shetty could pull off a Yash Chopra. Or rather, they expected it. Quite clearly, their expectations weren't met.

Dilwale [2015]

So why did I like this movie? I felt like I was going home. People who grew up in the 90s idolised Shah Rukh and Kajol and rare gems like Johnny Lever. Seeing them all on screen made me feel like I was back in my childhood. Yes, they don't look like they did before. But their chemistry hasn't changed at all. For those of you who have seen the movie: The 5-min date scene is a #RelationshipGoal. If you can't go crazy and act lunatic with the person you love, you might not have found the right person for you. For Shah Rukh and Kajol to effortlessly bring that up, they must be really good actors.

Now if you remember the Formula, there should be a Hit Song too right? And there is. In the heart-melting voice of Arijit Singh, the song "Janam Janam" (again commonly liked by all) has been played throughout the movie. There is also another favourite - Gerua. I love the original as well as the spoof !

Story. No Story. Lights. No Lights. Fancy Cars or not, if you are able to apply the above Formula, you will have one Happy Suchi.

And she will watch your movies on loop.

Happy 2016 !

Overcomplicating to Impress

Masterchef is back on television and it is quite addictive to watch a show about people cooking food. This show is conducted in such a beautiful and crisp manner which makes it very interesting to watch. If you've been living under a rock, Masterchef is a television reality show about amateur cooks competing against each other.

Now these guys are all home cooks. Somewhere in their daily routine, they realized that they have a passion for cooking and wondered 'why not do it professionally?'.

But when that thought of professionalism crept in, it also brought along a friend -  Mr. Insecurity. "I am only a home cook, I can't make a complicated dish, I can't make my dish look like the product of a fine restaurant", it moaned. Mr. Insecurity totally forgot about the concept of deliciousness. It only worried about impressing the judges and scoring those marks.

In the initial few weeks, almost all the contestants cooked from their hearts -  dishes that they were familiar with and their family loved to eat! Then they went through a phase of questioning if it was enough. And in the quest to push the bar, they started overcomplicating their dishes. Did it make the dish look overwhelming? Yes. Was it delicious? Hell, no.

Thanksgiving Plate#1 (from Wordpress)
Just for representation purposes :-)

One of the mentors, Marco Pierre White, kept going on like a broken record "Keep it Simple". They heard him, they understood him, but under pressure it became second nature to overcomplicate. How is it that we subconsciously think 'more is good'? Whenever we are caught in a pressure situation (with food or without!), somehow we think it's rational to put in many elements and let the audience pick up the ones that they want.

While leaving this choice to the audience, we totally ignore the negative effects that the bad elements could have on the good ones and that could completely cloud the entire situation. As they've always said, one rotten egg is all it takes...

Take a moment. Think about what you want to plate up. And go ahead and do it. If you throw in too many elements, all you're going to end up with is a mess. And frankly a mess doesn't look too appetizing, does it?

But this sure does! Beautifully plated dessert...
Courtesy: johnvalls.com

How old are you?

About two weeks ago, I had a very interesting conversation with a teenager. Her formative years were spent in Muscat, in a popular school where a lot of my other friends studied (many years ago!).

We were engrossed in comparing Muscat schools vs. the ones here in Chennai. We are roughly ten years apart in age but it didn't seem like much had changed as far as the school-scene is concerned.

When I enquired about a friend that she was mentioning in one of her stories, she was very quick to point out that the girl wasn't a "friend". How could she be? She was TWO YEARS younger than her! This was her reasoning.

That's when I realised how much of importance we give to 'age' as a 'number'  in schools and colleges. Today I work with people, some of whom are ten years older than me, some are five years younger than me,  all in the same team -  and it's a level playing field for all! After a point you don't even think about how old your teammate is. It's just the skills or talent that matters.

But when you're in school, somehow your brain maps your seniors / juniors very differently. They cannot be your 'friends' since they aren't your age. Surprising, isn't it? You would look at seniors as know-it-all's and underestimate your juniors' maturity levels. Even if they are barely months younger or older to you.

All of this doesn't really matter after you cross 20. Really! So, how old are you? You're just as old as you want others to see...